How I Fell in Love with Books...

Now, wait a minute. That's not quite how I would put it. I would rather like to believe that it wasn't me who fell for books. It is more likely the books that found me irresistible or I hope the fictional character did. Hehe.

Oh, this is like the most beautiful yet anticipated torture that one wouldn't mind putting themselves through. The one being me. I don't even know where to start with it, because I really don't know how it started.

My 2-year-old self does remember blurry images of my darling dotting mum reading out a flared copy of 'The Beauty & The Beast' to me as a bedtime story and I am so grateful that she did so. As she was the one who paved the path for me to be who I am today with the principles that I hold dear to my heart & soul. Where slowly being read out to turned into me reading books on my very own.

Where my world just existed for folks, fables, fairy tales and fiction. Where mythologies were all that mattered and my thoughts were strengthened with morals.

Summer Vacation continues to be the most favourite time of year for each child as they get to go out for holidays, leave for their villages and meet their grandparents, stay out playing the entire day, drink & eat cold stuff while keeping away from books, it was the same with me except I was pulled more towards books.

Our family never usually went out for holidays or had grandparents or uncles and aunts to visit and neither was I much of an outdoorsy kid. So every summer was a book refill time. As Pa used to bring bags filled with books and Mum used to get me and Di tons of comics. Where we traversed the universe and collected words of wisdom and the most expensive experiences and met the craziest characters all of that and more by revelling in the comfort of the best hostel in the world - home.

Where I woke up to Snow White every morning, had a glass of milk for breakfast with Mullah Naseeruddin and Tenalirama, escaped bandits with Alladin, devoured lunch with Hanuman & Bheema while learning about epics like Ramayana & Mahabharata, laughed my way to dinner with Suppandi and Shambu Shikari while awaiting night time for the most exciting stories of all I read were stories which my Mum told me as bedtime stories.

Best Life Ever!

Oh, how I miss those innocently incredible days. The growing kid in me was the happiest person on the planet. Soon the number of pages of the books increased with time and I entered my pre-teens where I officially knew I had a thirst for books and stories where I was bribed with new books if I bought good marks. Yeah! My folks were damn quick to catch on to my growing obsession. I still remember getting my very own first copy of Goosebumps by R.L.Stine  when I scored well for my mid-terms and celebrating my coming 3rd in my final exams with my 1st volume of Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot which further I went crazy on. The tryst to find a good book shop where I lived which felt like a mission I and my Di had embarked on.

I remember Pa installing our very 1st bookshelf and my Di adorning the shelves with her collection of books and me being super envious of her. Our bookshelf was a rectangular one with 6 squared sections. I remember her piling the books high as she did have a great collection of books and then there was me with just 2 copies of my tiny sized books.

The memory is firmly etched onto my brain as I recall looking at her side of the section which back then when I was 10  filled almost 2 of the sections and then l looking back to my side and seeing just 2 of my book copies. I just felt like removing them from the shelves back then and that's when my Mum said, 'So what if your sister has more books now, someday you might have more books than you can even imagine.' And from that very moment, I somewhere etched her words into my heart and made it my big goal of having my own bookshelf piling with books and more.

By the time I turned 11, I has also turned into an avid fan of horror and teenage drama. Yeah, you see the irony? Hehe.

That was also when one early morning a yellow coloured pamphlet arrived along with our daily newspaper which held the happiest news for me and my Di. It was a pamphlet about a library stating that they have recently opened in our town. We ran to Mum pleading her to take us there and so she did so. It wasn't something huge it was just a small shop with 4 walls in a very quiet area which somewhere suited the vibe of the library with fading yellow walls and a small desk at the entrance and shelves lined alongside a single wall. What may seem extremely ordinary and bland to some looked like the entire worlds brought into one for me and Di. You know those cartoons where hearts replace their eyeballs, yeah we were the same.

We were amongst the 1st few who got their library cards from there and hence ensued our affair with the lovely library on the outskirts of our town. Just like that on another trip (or what seemed like just a normal one) to the library where Di & I were busy looking for a new treasure to add to our collection, was when Di held out a frayed copy of Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone to me. All I could do was look at the book and then back at her.

Now let me tell you why I didn't jump up with anticipation right away at the opportunity of reading Harry Potter. My relationship with Harry Potter goes long way back, now imagine you are a kid 5-6 years old, who doesn't like dark things or loud noises and your sister insists on watching a movie which is bound to give you nightmares- to clear it up that movie happened to be Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire (especially the scene where the second task ensues - the one with the Black Lake).

Now let's get back to the library and think about the kid in me who holds sheer prejudice towards Harry Potter, would I want to read that? NO!

But what Di said next did manage to push me towards the book, "You have never been able to watch it, how about you try reading it? It might end up changing your mind." That's how we ended up leaving the library that day after checking out Rowling's Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone along with John Gray's Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus.

Let me break it you, that very night I did not sleep a wink because I just couldn't stop turning the pages one after the another till there were no pages to turn. I thought I loved books but Naah, it was Harry Potter which happened to magically turn on a switch in me which was never about to go off. The 11-year old in me was hooked and booked I was done with the whole series within a month. Yeah! That was a flex for the 11-year old me!

After that, all I could talk about was Harry Potter and you know how it is. I begged mum to get the CDs for the Harry Potter movies because after reading the books. As of now, I was all up and excited for the movies whereas my Di was like, "Look how the tide changes".

I soon started saving every rupee and it all went to build my own library. I invaded the minds of numerous writers, befriended characters, fell in love with antagonists, swam in unknown oceans, trespassed restricted territories, swooned over a few kisses, blushed over several matings, fought along with warriors in the war of the worlds, witnessed my favourites die away and watched thousands of happy endings, not forgetting the cliff-hangers and so much more.

That is how my 14-year old self ended up filling the entire bookshelf where I still remember the 11-year old me standing with my single copy of Goosebumps to ow where I had run out of space to keep my books.

How walks from school to home with my friends turned into gossiping over books and sharing my love for books with them and starting a legit fan club for a certain series to narrating the story of every novel I read to my best friend to lending books to those who wanted to delve into the world of literature. The feeling of sharing your love for books to making them fall in love with books is indescribable.

I was in my sweet-16s when I finally got my own phone and that opened a paradox of stories for me. Thanks to Wattpad where I came across millions of story lovers like me and more.

Wattpad introduced me to a world of not just readers alike but budding writers too, which soon led me to write my very first book - The Alpha's Repentance on a very unplanned evening my 17-year old self ended up writing and publishing the 1st chapter of TAR and I still remember ringing up my best friend to announce it loud and proud and her gushing over it like crazy. What made me realise my potential was not just me going through my own works but the sheer joy and pride which my sister held while promoting my work to all of her pals and peers.

How putting down my thought out world in words helped me gain a clear vision of how I saw myself in a few years and that was the moment I knew, that this is what I wished to do for a living. I wanted to keep adding to my beautiful world by adding my words to the world of millions of others.

Soon college chaos followed by the jeopardy called 'job' muted down my relationship with my words, but my relationship with my dreams and my world continues to stay strong. I still continue adding books to my shelf, while adding twists to my tales, which leaves me with the final step of adding the wizardry of words to my world to bring it to life for everyone to witness.

So here's my story of how books became the very boon to me and here's my try to add fuel to my fire to get started again with my stories. How I started out by reading books to now wanting to write my very own.

It is true when we say that - Life is a complete Circle.

That's my journey with how I fell in love with books and how it still continues to hold the title of being the 'Love of my Life'.

If you too are soul rendered by their love for books, do drop in your stories of how you fell in love with books and even if you haven't fallen for books yet, you can always share with us your tale on what you find to be your poison.

Just because...

Work-Life Balance & Bullshit.

How often do you find yourself holding your head and thinking what is up with you and how are you ever going to get your shit together? If you ask me, well that is one frequently visited headspace for me.

Here's what I strongly believe in, that it's more important to not lounge in that headspace for more than a moment and to know that, it's absolutely fine if you do not have it all together now, but soon you surely will. Or at least you can hope for the best.

As it's not the thought that 'counts' for me, it's just a thought that all it takes to change your vision over life forever.

I think it's easier to clean your mess, what's difficult is to keep it clean while making sure you do not mess up again. Now, this can be taken up as an example in both terms, physically and mentally.

So what if you suck at your job no matter how much effort you put in and your boss cannot help but show you with every single opportunity that you are nothing but an easily replaceable item for the company?

So what if you are slogging at your 9-9 (yes! that's right) job giving your best only to get the bare minimum with zero appreciation and still have no option but to keep at it?

So what if you have super EMIs to waive off and your husband really wants to plan for a baby despite knowing the current situation?

The what if's are never-ending and get wilder and weirder the more I sit to think back on all the stories I have heard! But I feel astounded to know that every story has not had the typical "happy ending" yet in the end they are happy. Isn't it ironic?

Let me explain, while some chose to give up their jobs, which may seem to some like a dull move, whereas for some it would be like waving the white flag, the individual now is no longer under the toxic pressure and is HAPPY. While some actually chose to fight back and take on that challenge no matter how drilling it truly is and yet at the end of the day manage to hold up that smile and be HAPPY.  Whereas some actually felt, you know what let's get pregnant, 'itne EMIs already hai, ek aur le lenge' and that was a HAPPY ending for them and isn't that what matters the most!

Clear examples of where work and life can be balanced if we throw away the weight scale altogether!

Getting to that isn't work-life balance the most overrated concept in the current times?

How about I paint you a picture!?

You are working on a very important project which's deadline is due TODAY while sitting in one corner of your cosy home space.

Now can anyone just tell me where did I go wrong with the scenario?

I'll tell you where!

The focus point loses all its focus the moment cosy enters the scene. Where your dining table turns into your work desk and your mom is the boss even while you are at work!

Work from home - our current & hopefully soon to be over reality hit us hard along with the pandemic.

Where we have somewhere with time lost what differs our homes from our office.

Where the thought of whether the mic is on mute and the camera remains off runs rampant on our minds before we can share a few words with our loved ones or even take a loo break. I have heard stories of how one tends to lose focus with their bed insight and how working mothers found themselves handling their work and kids and kitchen all under the same roof. Imagine the horror!

I have had my own share of stories while working from home and I'll be honest and would just love to brag about how easy it has been for me! I really don't mind working from home because I love my home. I am in my comfort space with the people I care for and vice versa and I would like to make it very clear that I am not an introvert before you go on and tag me as one. What I am is a couch potato who loves her cosy corners in her "small little world" and being in the constant care of her loved ones. This brings me to a point where I could say that I have found a semblance of balance where my work is not my life and that tiny little hyphen that holds strong for me between Work-Life Balance.

The sole credit for my oh so proud declaration of having the "best of both worlds" would go to my adorable family whom I love to the square of infinity and beyond(those who know, they know) because I get to attend client meetings while I cuddle up with my cuties and if you do not believe this to be a privilege, we cannot be friends.

But I also know that's not the case for all, which is acceptable and reaffirms my faith in why I believe I truly am blessed and supremely privileged. Grateful.

To be honest, I have actually never have had a hard time finding focus be it at any place, now I surely have to thank my ah-mazing reading skills for this awesome power of mine where I can tune out the world and its noise and function with focus, thanks to fiction.

But don't you go being so envious of me so soon! The boon surely comes with a curse, where my otherwordly focus magically happens to leave me just when I go to revel in my true superpower- IMAGINATION.

Yeah, let's go back a few sentences. Where I said, "I could say that I have found a semblance of balance where my work is not my life and that tiny little hyphen that holds strong for me between Work-Life Balance." The keyword still continues to be "COULD". The hyphen may still be there but it is surely accompanied by an "&".

Welcome to my version of Work-Life Balance & Bullshit. Period.

What seemed all under control and fine was actually just a big whole sham where I was completely oblivious of how I was losing hold of the element that I cherish the most. I felt I was losing it with every day that I spent working. Now let me be clear once again.

I don't hate my job, I love working and I absolutely love writing, but I do hate my boss. Anyway, that topic is for another day.

Getting back, hopefully, on track, I truly felt I was losing a very integral part of myself - my imagination, my creativity & most importantly my dreams.

I was happy and somewhere even satisfied but I was not... just not... I don't know. All I knew was that something was missing. Something important.

Which later in my trepidation, I am come to realise that, what I was missing (and still am) were my dreams.

Now don't go off track. I know what you are thinking... so what? She is just missing a succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that usually occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep, which is the definition of dreams, thanks to Google.

But that's not the definition of dreams for me. My dreams are my escape, a much bigger escape route than any of the books I have ever read. They are my creation. They are my friends where I have fashioned friends, characters, stories, worlds and so much much more. And lastly, what I treasure the most is that they are just mine. Only and only mine. Mine to build and mine to break, mine to see and mine to wake, mine to kiss to mine to kill. As they made me feel mine to me and me to mine.

The dreams which gave me wings and a vision to share this amazing world of mine and how could I have done it without using the wisdom of words and the skill of storytelling that I wish all beings could cherish, which eventually led me to meet the writer in me. And just like my world took a full tilt and I found myself penning down the 1st chapter of just a tiny aspect of my world for the people of the actual world to see.

I know that not everyone feels this level of obsession if I may call it that to their dreams and may find it to be silly and too overrated. But trust me, when you have lived literally every nth of your life dreaming each night of bringing life to a world where you create and crave every inch of it. It would matter. It would matter so ducking much.

You would miss making that magic and marring the mundane. To my utter disbelief, I got to know that I had completely stopped visiting the world that I love the most. In this new journey of mine where I entered the corporate world, I somewhere walked out of my own.

The realisation came like every morning where I felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was poured onto me to wake me up. And wake up I did.

That's when I thought, 'Well that's not happening.'

So here we are and here's my first step towards knocking on the doors to the world which have shut on me. Maybe they will open up again!? Who knows?

That's my story while I try to backspace off the Bullshit from my Work-Life & Bullshit. But again, maybe I should just keep on dreaming!

Hearing and telling stories never goes out of style. So drop in your tales of how you deal with your 'Work-Life Balance & Bullshit' right in the comments.

Till then, I will hopefully see y'all soon with another one of my weirdly wonderful thoughts to share.

Just because...